Haven't been on since my new diagnosis. And haven't been transparent anywhere about it. I am bipolar. I can't tell my parents because Hubs is bipolar as well and he's worried that if they know, they'll start checking up on us too much. I told my friends, but I didn't talk too much about it. … Continue reading New stuff →

I've been losing tons of sleep. As I lay here trying to go back to sleep while the boys are sleeping, instead I'm thinking about literally every worry I have right now. So I'm going to try an exercise. My therapist asked me in my last session if there was a time I remembered feeling … Continue reading I am Enough exercise pt 1 →

My anxiety has been high recently. I am stressed about so many things, but the things I'm stressed about aren't really why I'm writing again. My anxiety itself is. I have been resistant to saying I have anxiety. I admit I have depression. I admit I have problems due to trauma, which may or may … Continue reading Anxiety and trying to cope →

I might call my therapist early. Can I do that? I hope so. Things have gotten weird this past week. I mean, longer than that, but obvious enough now. I don't always go back and reread what I write here, but I bet if I went through all the posts and drafts from the last … Continue reading I should tell my therapist this →

I wish I knew more people who were sexually assaulted by boyfriends. It is very hard to heal from. I can't stop blaming myself. I do my therapy exercises, but what always lies in the background is, "I should have known better," "I should have left earlier," "I should have just been okay with it … Continue reading The deepest hurt →

I am in a journaling and writing mood, so I found a random list of prompts on Pinterest. I'll see if I get through them all. 1. I feel most peaceful when... ...in the bath. It is calm. It water is warm, the air is cool, I can always be the perfect temperature. I can … Continue reading Random Journal Day →

Puke green. There's a friend I didn't stay connected with. Details, details. She is still friends with our closest mutual friend. Best friends. So close they're basically sisters. We're talking again. And it feels gross. How do I move forward when I'm stuck on things she said in the past? Hard things. Victim-blaming things, when … Continue reading What color is my heart? →

Some nights I feel so whole looking at these two. Some nights I feel empty wondering what the other five pregnancies may have added to my life. Some nights I feel an intense mix of both. Tonight is one of the latter. It's confusing to feel like my life is complete while also feeling like … Continue reading Some nights →

I know, I'm a few days late, but this particular journal took a lot of energy to complete. Even with it being so short. Happy belated Halloween and Samhain! What "death" in your life are you embracing? How can you work with this change in a positive way? I am embracing past traumas. I'm letting … Continue reading Samhain Journaling →

Monthly Checkup What happened this month that changed me? I was commissioned to make blankets. Someone believes in my skills enough to pay me. I finished projects. Lots of projects this month. It helped me feel accomplished. What caught me off guard? Being asked to create for real. Being paid for it, not just having … Continue reading October Checkup →