I’ve been losing tons of sleep. As I lay here trying to go back to sleep while the boys are sleeping, instead I’m thinking about literally every worry I have right now. So I’m going to try an exercise.
My therapist asked me in my last session if there was a time I remembered feeling enough. Maybe it was something that came and went. Whatever the case, during the session, I could think of nothing.
I’ve spent a lot of time outside the session thinking about it. Here’s my exercise based on that: Maybe I do not have a time that I felt like enough in the moment, but what are some times I can look back on and retroactively feel like enough?
1. Parts of senior year in high school. I stopped giving any cares to what other people thought of me. I just wanted to get through the school year and get off to college. I ended up being so cool that year, which was so weird to me. However, I made great friends. I was nice to kids I normally wouldn’t have been because I didn’t care if they judged me. By the way, they judged me less the nicer I was, but the less of a pushover I was. Sure there was a rumor that I was sleeping with one of my teachers, but who cares? I wasn’t and that’s all that matters. I was just me and that was fine.
2. Some time when I was very young. I don’t remember what age I was, but I used to sing in the backyard in the spring when our jungle of a yard was in bloom. The birds would fly all around and it felt magical. I was magical.
3. My wedding day. There were so few expectations on me. Everyone else wanted to make sure everything went smoothly. I just had to show up, look gorgeous, be a little bossy when needed, and have fun.
Mindfulish Butterfly 