I was back in high school. And he had transferred to my school. Nick is a common enough name that I'm not going to censor it. Most everything had happened the same in my history with him. Dating, sexual assault, breaking up, reporting. The biggest difference was that after I reported, I broke up with … Continue reading In my nightmare… →

I did a meditation a while ago that asked me what my meanwhile moments are right now. It was asking about the things keeping me going until we can return to normal. (Tangent about how I don't actually want to go back to old normal.) The little things I appreciate more right now or that … Continue reading Meanwhile… →

This month is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. I am a part of the bereaved parents group in my local community. This month we are doing a journaling activity. I don't like it. I like journaling. It's a good outlet. I like being a part of the group. I don't like the prompts right … Continue reading Pregnancy and Infant Loss →

Monthly Checkup What happened this month that changed me? I stumbled a TON in healing. I just fell into a massive rut where I was sleeping all the time, I had no motivation. And then I gained some back. And then I stumbled again. My healing graph has not been anywhere near linear this month. … Continue reading September Checkup →

I am dissociating throughout the day. I may need a medication change. My therapist had me lay out a timeline, and I'm starting to connect some of my own dots from it. When I was in seventh grade, my sister nearly died. My little sister. My only sister. She and my dad were in an … Continue reading dots of my past →

I'm still trying to keep some anonymity, but just watching him be has me thinking. Recently, I joined a local group for bereaved parents for support in figuring out how to properly grieve my muscarriages. There's a book club within the group that I joined this month because I felt weird going to the support … Continue reading Be Okay →

Monthly Checkup What happened this month that changed me? I took a step towards healing and mending a relationship. I put on my big girl panties and stuck my neck out. I was vulnerable, and I was rewarded for it. Things aren't going to be perfect. I doubt we'll ever be close again. But the … Continue reading August Checkup →

I am up way to late because I find myself in a weird predicament. I am having to figure out how to process something immensely positive happening. It was such a good outcome for what could have happened, what I expected to happen, that I am jarred by it. I expected to lay myself down, … Continue reading I forgive me too →

I saw Blake Lively recently addressing child pornography problems. In her intro for a company, she talked about how she would give her life for her kids and that the limits of what she would do for them and their safety knows no bounds. I entirely feel that. To say I would do anything for … Continue reading Anything →

Good things about my day: I made bread. And it was super yummy. We ate almost the whole loaf alreadyI was able to take a few naps after being up all night dealing with teethingT fell asleep to just reading tonight. Hopefully that will bode well for moving him back into his room. He stopped … Continue reading Nightly routine 8/1 →