I can't say I have it, but going through life feels like I have PTSD. My miscarriage in March was nothing less than traumatizing. Getting pregnant again, twice, in such a short time after it has been hell to deal with. I start to panic any time I see a color other than yellow or … Continue reading A bit of rambling →

A while ago, I was triggered by a family member's post. I don't mean triggered as in I got angry or upset. I mean triggered as in it hit me in a place where my mental health was not prepared to handle. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to move past it yet. I didn't see … Continue reading The other side of the rainbow →

Recently, I started listening to podcasts. I'm really late to the game on that, and I wish I wasn't because it is an excellent alternative to having the TV on for background music. One podcast I listen to is The Mindful Kind. I'm about four years behind, but in one of the last episodes I … Continue reading Making it through →

There's a little nugget. Deep down in my soul. A hurt little nugget. This little nugget has nasty, sharp teeth. It causes everyone to break and bleed. Including me. I try to tame it. I try to hide it. But these things do not work. I tried to let it work. Giving it its own … Continue reading Bitterness →

Recently, I have been a bit of a Negative Nancy. Even through my attempts to stay mindful, I doubt my own abilities, both physically and mentally. It's been making it difficult to handle simple situations. I always think I'm going to make the wrong decision, people are going to get annoyed or upset with me, … Continue reading Small Steps →

Yesterday morning started with my mood swinging up and down. It was mostly down. I was also bombarded with guilt and anger about things that have happened in the past. Thankfully, this hasn't been my typical morning recently, but it used to be. Rather than fall into some of the habits that used to make … Continue reading Watching Habits Form →

Lately, I've been noticing how much more time we can have than I ever thought. It always seemed like we had to have our whole lives decided by 18 so we could go to college and get a career in order to support a family. But I've been looking at my parents and my husband's … Continue reading Passing time →

My initial desire was not to talk about myself. I just wanted to have a place where I could write down what I'm trying to do to stay mindful. But I have to talk about myself. As I'm writing this, I'm in the middle of what is probably going to end up being my fifth … Continue reading My Thoughts after Multiple Miscarriages →

The beginning is perhaps more difficult than anything else, but keep heart, it will turn out all right. Vincent Van Gogh I used to spend hours sitting in gardens, doing nothing but essentially watching the flowers grow. I'm not entirely sure when that changed. I have an idea, but the exact moment does not matter. … Continue reading Starting my peace →

I remained too much inside my head and ended up losing my mind. Edgar Allen Poe Mindfulness is not easy, but I have found the attempt to reach it far easier than my alternative. My alternative is anxiety, depression, and reliving trauma. I've had my share of experiences that I flash back to; some are … Continue reading The Journey Begins →