August Checkup

What happened this month that changed me?

I took a step towards healing and mending a relationship. I put on my big girl panties and stuck my neck out. I was vulnerable, and I was rewarded for it. Things aren’t going to be perfect. I doubt we’ll ever be close again. But the anger that was stewing from both ends has been put out. We can both feel at peace about it.

What caught me off guard?

Forgiveness. I did not expect it. I knew the anger was deep. I knew it had a valid reason. I did not think it would be easy to move past. I thought this would just be a first step. Instead of a first step like learning to crawl, it was a first step like landing on the moon.

For who or what am I grateful?

Healing. Growth. Taking time to sit with things. Acknowledging that I can feel things without being my feelings. I can take experiences and learn from them. It doesn’t have to even be a positive lesson. For example, I value family. That is what I have learned. Making mistakes with family hurts me immensely, in many ways. I do not always need to be right, but I do need to be willing to step up and admit I am wrong even if people are on my side. I need to cut through the noise of other people defending me and apologize when I have hurt someone else.

Did I accomplish the goals I had at the start of this month?

Yes. I continued to spread information, to sign petitions, to donate in various ways. I continued to educate myself. I kept doing the little things and I am proud of them.

What life lessons did I learn this month?

The world is not made for me; I am made for the world. Things will go wrong. Things will hurt. Accidents will happen. All I can do is accept that the world around me is moving as it should. The world does not need to move according to my plan. It moves according to its own. I spent this month trying to find a way to accept not being in control of everything in my life, and this is where I landed.

What will my goals be for the upcoming month and how will I achieve them?

Take care of myself. I’ve got nice hair products again. My husband and oldest son are on a good sleeping schedule. I can fit in sleeping right. I can exercise and meditate as needed. I can work on all parts of myself. I want to be a new person next year, and that doesn’t start in January, it starts today. I will take care of my teeth better again. I will work to sleep better. I will exercise regularly. I will read. I will go outside. I will take time to examine where I am at, how am I feeling in that moment, and what is around me. I will drink more water again. I will watch less TV. I will clean more. I will not expect myself to be perfect at these every day. And I will be proud of any amount of progress I achieve.