Recently, I started listening to podcasts. I’m really late to the game on that, and I wish I wasn’t because it is an excellent alternative to having the TV on for background music. One podcast I listen to is The Mindful Kind. I’m about four years behind, but in one of the last episodes I listened to, Rachael said something that really resonated with me: Mindfulness is not a solution to stress.
Mindfulness is not meant to solve your stress or get rid of it. It is just meant to help you through. Being mindful won’t mean you’ll never be stressed again, it simply means that you might be able to handle it better than before.
In my life, I am up against a stressor that keeps arising. The stick says yes. Now without any background, that sounds exciting. But I have had five miscarriages, two in this year alone. A positive pregnancy test is actually one of the more nerve-wracking sights of my life. It’s right up there with watching my son run towards the road when there’s a car coming or being in the passenger seat as my husband faints in the driver’s seat and the car starts drifting into oncoming traffic. It feels more like the beginning of a horror movie than a romantic comedy.
I have been getting through my days by just being in that day. The future is not my concern because I have no way of knowing what it holds. Just sitting and enjoying my tea or decaf isn’t changing the fact that I have a blood clotting disorder, but it is keeping me from worrying so much. Mindfulness is not the answer for everything, but it makes it easier to be calm for finding those answers.
I’m not spending as much of my days watching other people with their pregnancies wishing it was me or their losses and hoping it won’t be me again. I’m not spending all my time freaking out about every little twinge. I’m still throughly concerned about most sensations, but I’m not going into panic mode when all I have to do is fart. I’m not worrying about how to tell certain people or when. I’m not worrying about how to prepare. I’m just making sure I can make it to the first appointment calmly.
There isn’t a real solution to my stress. There is only management. Mindfulness is the first part of that tool for me. And I am entirely grateful for it right now.
Mindfulish Butterfly 